As a public service, I would just like to help out the semi-literate with one thing on the mind. For the hungry traveler looking for a bite to eat there are plenty of “T” options- food and drink can be had in a tavern, tandoor, thai, tex-mex, turkish, take-away, or tapas bar. Sometimes, though, for the semi-literate “T’s” can get tricky. Then there are the one-track mind travelers of another sort- ones with thoughts of European nudity and music with heavy bass. “T’s” can get confusing for them as well. This is why I would like to clear up the difference between a Topless Bar and a Tapas Bar.
Mar y Tierra- this is the Tapas equivalent of surf & turf…. not the name of the woman whose glitter g-string looks like an ATM explosion. If you are hungry and your Mar y Tierra is dancing to “Welcome to the Jungle” you’ve probably gone to the wrong bar.
Raxo- this is a Galician style pork dish & and a DD exclaimation… Raxo is always a safe bet if you are unsure whether you are at a Tapas Bar or a Topless Bar
Fritos de rape – this is fried monkfish medallions; not the most fucked up snack food ever to be served with a cold beer at a sex show.
Pinchitos de Pollo- At a Tapas Bar, asking for this would get you chicken in breadcrumbs; At a Topless Bar, asking for this would win you a nice meeting with a 350 pound bouncer named Tiny.
Some other tricks and tips –
If you walk into the bar and hear Flamenco, you are most likely in line for Tapas.
If you walk into the bar and hear Fellatio, you are most likely in line for a disease.
Both bars can offer a good time, meaningful conversation, and a taste of a new culture; however it is important to be able to recognize quickly which you are at. A £5 note spit-glued to a forehead simply confuses the waiters at the Tapas Bar, as does ordering a la carte from the Topless Bar.