I avoid work by sitting in the bathroom, listening to my iPod and taking joy in people who are freaked out by a grown man singing on the toilet next to them. I noticed, today, the tile flooring. Some strange, oblong pattern that someone in the 70’s must have thought looked futuristic. It looks like an army of stealth bombers circling over a sheet of graph paper.
I wonder who is in charge of laying down those stupid looking tiles. Mind you, not the drug addled Asperger’s patient in charge of designing the floors; rather, the poor guy who lays these stupid patterns down to feed his family. I wonder if he thinks he’s assisting in artistry, the creative process.
After a little bit of research on the internet, I found out that you too can be the artist of an obnoxiously dumb tile flooring pattern!
You can pay some poor immigrant 60 cents (pence) an hour to construct a portrait of you out of ceramic tile… Or a giant middle finger.
I’m not sure if there are any “cool” things to tile on your floor. Flames? Motorcycles. Even if you chose something classy like a replica of a famous mosaic floor from Greece or Rome, you’d still risk peeing on a 50,000 dollar investment. Perhaps you could tile other rooms of your house, of course, but then you’d just look like a Gotti… or the slightly less threatening Woody Guthrie.
While Justin is busy getting blood tested just so he can go into the Canon building and no doubt piles of free shit, I’m sitting here doodling what my bathroom would look like if the toilet came out of a picture of someone’s butt hole. It would look like a mirror to an alternate universe.
Boston, MA USA
Note from the editor:
Aviv’s submission reminds me of home and a local Philadelphia folk art legend- Isaiah Zagar: The unsung hero of the Philadelphia mosaic.
“At a crucial time in my life it allowed me to begin what could be called a life’s work making the city of Philadelphia PA USA into a labyrinthine mosaic museum that incorporates all my varied knowledge and skills.”
If you’ve ever been to Philadelphia and Eyes Gallery you may know Isaiah’s work, but are not familiar with the man behind the mosaic.