4th of Ju£y


It was on this date in 1776 that twelve colonial representatives voted for the adoption of the Declaration. This document declared the colonies’ freedom from Great Britain. This year my Independence Day has less to do with the influence of John Locke than it does with Will Smith.

I suppose, while not free from Britain, I can only offer to you what America is missing out on; the following is a small list of colloquialisms that our founding fathers have passed up on in their desire for sovereignty:

antwacky: Adj. Old fashioned. Possibly from antique(y).
arsehat: Noun. A contemptible person.
back scuttle: Noun. Anal intercourse.
bollocks: Noun. 1. The testicles. 2. Rubbish, nonsense.
balm: Noun. A bread bun or roll. Cf. ‘balmcake’.
dhoby: Verb. To wash, clean. Originally to do laundry
joskin: Noun. A rural dweller, a country bumpkin
take the piss:Vrb phrs. 1. To ridicule, to tease, to make fun of
tart fuel: Noun. Sweet, ready-mixed fruit drinks containing alcohol.
throw an eppy: Vrb phrs. Have a fit of anger.
willy-woofter: Noun. A homosexual male.
window licker: Noun. A mentally handicapped person

Americans may be questioning their choice of independence as of late, the British pound is at a nearly 30-year high. The pound is being traded this week at $2.0197. This econmic achievement offers little consolation to those in Britain mourning the loss of Boots Randolph. Boots was best known for his solo ‘Yakety Sax’ the Benny Hill theme [insert comedic fast-motion chase scene of scantily-clad women, the priest, and mourners around the gravesite].

And for those of you interested, the fifth installment of the Harry Potter saga premiered yesterday in Leicester Square. The film is set to open on the 12th of this month


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